I just need to get my feelings out.
How can he keep lying? I don’t understand how he doesn’t care about hurting people and continue to lie over and over again. Is seeing his girlfriend constantly in tears because of him not enough? And to make things worse, when I do call him out on his lies he turns it all around on me and can be so, so horrible. I feel trapped. After arguing I told him we were done, I couldn’t handle being hurt by him anymore after almost 3 years of taking his shit and I wanted him to pack his stuff. All he had to say was ”Shut up, I’m not going anywhere.” No apology for lying and reducing me to tears. No remorse. I’m a fool to think he cares.
So now I have nothing better to do than sit in my bed crying and writing to myself because I have no one to listen. No one cares enough to listen to me when all I need is to just talk to someone. I just need to feel listened to.
As I sit here writing my Step-dad messages me. I think ‘Oh great, he’ll actually ask how I’m doing and I can actually talk to someone.” But no, of course not. He just lets me know that I need to see him this weekend as he has some ”good news” to tell me.
I already know what it is.
His girlfriend is pregnant. The only scrap of ‘family’ I have left is about to start his own family with his new girlfriend. He won’t have time for me. I’m his ex-girlfriends child, why would he? Although he isn’t technically family but he is the only one that bothered staying in contact with me after going into care.
And now with me and Conor being completely broken I am on the brink of being completely alone, again. Nothing but a dead-end job to give me purpose and nothing but regrets and hurt to keep me company.
I could slip away and no one would notice.
What is the fucking point. I’m done.
exsanguinousdarling 